We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
