Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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