If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
