Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
