Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
