hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
