You're so nebulous sometimes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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