How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
