I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
