True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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