who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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