last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
