I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
