the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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