I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
