Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My vagina is officially offended.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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