Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
