Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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