hotel room ftw
I just threw up on my dentist
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
