im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
