I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
