i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
