I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
