My cat gives me a boner
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
