You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
