You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
