So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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