Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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