So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
