It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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