I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
