OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
