I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
