I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
