Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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