dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
