My friends, they love my intelligence
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
