Come see our sink grown plant.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
