3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
