you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
