I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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