Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
