My hand turned me down
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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