I got chris browned last night
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
