One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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