so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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