oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
