Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
