i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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