im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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