Sponge bath it is.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
