I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
