He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
