at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
