When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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